2019 Check In the Second

Hey there friends. We have reached July, which means we are halfway through 2019, which means it’s time for another check-in on my 2019 goals. I set some pretty big goals for myself in 2019, and while I’ve had a few setbacks, I feel like I’m doing well, all things considered, and I’m confident I will achieve all these goals by the end of 2019. I will certainly start making more progress once I get past the bar at the end of this month.

  1. Don’t freak out.

Okay, so a few weeks ago, I had a minor mid bar-prep meltdown. It was late, I was tired, I was pretty sure I was going to fail the bar and never finish revising my book and be really, really bad at being an adult come September, but this was like a two hour minute in which our fire alarm ran out of batteries and would not stop beeping. I pulled myself together the next morning, and I have since learned not to take practice test scores seriously if I take the practice test after 6:00 PM.

But seriously, I think I’ve been managing all this pretty well. I’m studying for the bar, which is nine or ten hours a day, seven days a week. I’m packing up all my stuff to move out of my apartment at the end of July, and I’m getting ready to move down to Virginia at the end of August. I’m also revising my novel, one baby step at a time. And I’m managing to feed myself reasonably and get a reasonable amount of sleep. A lot has been going on, and I think I’ve been handling it really well.

Oh, and since my last check-in, my stress levels have been helped significantly by the fact that I got a job! I was accepted into the attorney honors program at the Federal Communications Commission, and I’ll be starting in the satellite division (as in satellites in space) in September. This is exactly where I wanted to be, and I am so excited and so relieved.

  1. Get in shape.

I’m pretty sure I’m cursed on this one. Every time I start going to the gym regularly, something happens to bring me to a grinding halt. I got very, very sick three times over the course of spring semester, and then after investing in a summer gym membership and managing to go almost every day for most of June, I tripped down the stairs and sprained my ankle pretty badly. Like I thought it was broken and went to urgent care kind of badly. I swear studying for the bar has diverted important brain function like balance and coordination away from my feet. It’s been a week, and I’m still barely able to walk, so I’m not going to the gym any time soon, much to my chagrin. See what I mean? I’m cursed.

We are still only halfway through 2019 though, and starting in August, I won’t have the bar to worry about. My new apartment in Virginia also has a gym and an indoor pool in the abuilding, so I’m not giving up yet.

  1. Read 100 books.

As of the end of June, I’ve read fifty-five books. So I’m right on track with this one.

  1. Finish the next draft for three projects:

As I said, I’m plugging away at revisions to my middle grade fantasy adventure novel with my agent. I’m also in the middle of writing the climax for my middle grade sci fi novel (admittedly I’ve been in the middle of the climax since March), so I almost have a first draft of that project. So while I haven’t finished a single project yet, I expect to start making a lot of progress on this once the bar is over.

  1. Blog more.

I’ve already been doing a lot of blogging. I’m really enjoying writing book reviews for all of you, but I’ve been missing talking about other things with you all, like my life and writing. So I’ve been making plans for new things to talk about come August, because nothing new is happening until August. If you have any ideas for things you’d like to see me talk about, do let me know.

And that’s where I’m at for my 2019 goals. I hope you’ve all been making as much progress on your goals so far.

I’ll be back  soon with the rest of the book reviews for what I read in June, and in the meantime, I’m off to study study study.

Let the Great Bar Prep Rereadathon Begin!

Friends, I have done it. Finals are over, and I lived to talk about it. Graduation isn’t for a couple of weeks, and grades haven’t come out yet, but the exams are behind me.

And today, I embarked on my super exciting summer plans: studying for the bar!

I was being sarcastic there. It’s kind of the opposite of super exciting.

Okay, the first day wasn’t so bad. In fact, I’m sitting here wondering why my first year contracts professor couldn’t explain it all like they do in my bar prep course, because it makes so much more sense this time around. I think the hardest thing will be studying for long hours every day until the bar. It’s a marathon, and it’s going to take a lot out of me. Don’t be surprised if I get progressively crankier, or if I just drop off this blog altogether for a bit.

So it’s time to fall back on my favorite law school coping mechanisms. Reading and writing. I’m still working on revisions for my middle grade fantasy novel, and I’m going to keep that up. My goal is to work on that a little every day so that I don’t go crazy. I’m also going to keep on reading, as usual. Since I have a lot going on with my brain right now, and I need to be retaining a lot of other information, I’m planning to do a lot of rereading this summer.

That being said, I just got like five books out of the library that I’ve been waiting for, so I will still be reading some new books too, but once I’m through those I will definitely start rereading some old favorites.

I haven’t totally decided on what I want to reread. Not Harry Potter, because I just did that. And I’m not allowed to reread Tamora Pierce’s Circle of Magic books until I finish my revisions. I love the Circle books, and I would love to reread them, but they were a big part of the inspiration for my middle grade fantasy book, and at this point, I don’t want them to accidentally worm their way into my book. I probably will reread them again soon, but not until my revisions are done.

I might reread Tamora Pierce’s Tortoll books again, though, because it’s been a while, and I’ve been dying to reread at least her Immortals series ever since i read Tempests and Slaughter last year. I’m also considering revisiting Catherine Valente’s Fairyland books, The Lunar Chronicles, The Healing Wars, and some other favorites. I still plan to post reviews of what I read, and I’m excited to share my thoughts with you on these books I love so much.

For me, rereading is like settling in for a chat with an old friend, or like a large helping of your favorite comfort food. At the same time, every time I reread, I experience the book differently, because I’ve changed as a person and as a reader. I think rereading is perfect for the summer I have ahead of me, and I’m excited to dive in.

So what about you? Do you reread books? What are the favorites you go back to when things get stressful? Any recommendations for favorites I might want to revisit this summer? Let’s chat in the comments.

And if you’re studying for the bar this summer too, good luck. We got this.

Adventures in the Kitchen: The Delicious, The Disgusting, and the Disasters

Hello everybody. I hope you all had a delightful Easter, Passover, celebration of Rome’s birthday, or just a wonderful spring day, whatever your preference. I celebrate Easter, and beyond my crazy love of jelly beans, Easter always means a big family dinner. We started with a cream of fennel and celery soup, and then had chicken, potatoes, carrots, asparagus, and mushrooms. I recently gave my slow cooker to my parents, having thoroughly failed at figuring out how to cook anything I enjoyed in it, and my mother used it to braise the whole chicken. I made the potatoes with a recipe I got from The Essential New York Times cookbook that may be my new favorite way to make potatoes. And we finished everything off with my mother’s pear walnut olive oil cake.

I’ve always really enjoyed cooking. I came back from a summer abroad in Torino, Italy with a recipe for homemade orecchiette pasta, which I made for my friends with walnut sauce and sautéed mushrooms. Note: if you’re going to hand-roll enough pasta for six people, make all six of them help do it, or have a six hour audiobook or several episodes of Doctor Who on hand to entertain you while you work. But aside from the odd homemade meal in college, I actually haven’t had much of a chance to do a lot of cooking myself. When I was living in Assisi, my host parents did all the cooking, occasionally letting me help and teaching me things, but it was mostly them (not that I’m complaining about the chance to eat homemade Italian food every night). I helped my parents some when I was living at home and working at the Disability Rights Center, and the kitchen in the dorms during my first year of law school left something to be desired (mostly space to cook before 10:00 PM). A huge driver for me to get my own apartment after 1L year was that I wanted to be able to cook and eat more healthy (as in less pasta and microwave meals). So I got an apartment, but 2L was so crazy that I was still mostly living on pasta and frozen meals, with a lot of goldfish and diet Pepsi thrown in. In whatever free time I did have, I would look through the internet and collect recipes and even read cookbooks for fun.

At the start of last summer, I said enough was enough. If I was going to keep collecting random recipes, I needed to start actually cooking them. I set myself a goal to cook one new recipe a week. Some weeks, I make two or even three new recipes. Some weeks I fall back on some old favorites, especially when the semester gets crazy. But more or less I’ve been averaging a new recipe every week this school year. Since I’ve started this goal, I’ve been compiling my favorites in a hardcopy Braille cookbook, because I don’t like to have my computer near me when I’m cooking in case I spray coconut milk all over the kitchen. I’ve had some great successes like the braided pesto bread I made last fall, and some disasters like that week I tried to do things with coconut. Since I started on this journey, many of you have been clamoring to know more about what I’ve been cooking.

So this is Jameyanne’s adventures in the kitchen: the delicious, the disgusting, and the disasters. My college friends used to joke that I should have my own cooking show because when I cook I do so with sound effects. This is probably the closest I’ll ever come to that. You’ll just have to imagine the sound effects.

Before I get into the food, I wanted to give a quick note on how I eat. I don’t eat red meat, and I don’t eat cheese. I also don’t use a lot of butter, milk, eggs, or cream in my cooking. I’m also kind of picky, like I don’t like turkey or salmon or pork. I basically eat vegan with some occasional chicken or fish. But while I do a lot of vegan cooking, I do not understand vegans’ obsession with cashews, and I don’t go in for buying ingredients I don’t recognize like spelt flour or nutritional yeast. Not that I don’t like trying new things. That’s what this is all about, after all. But if a recipe calls for an ingredient that’s unfamiliar to me and I don’t know what else I would do with that ingredient, I’m less likely to try the recipe.

Also, I’m linking to my favorite recipes where I can, but if I can’t, I will do my best to describe them. Keep in mind that I am Italian, and my Italian family’s way of cooking is a pinch of this, a little of that. For example, my mom, my younger brother, and I have been trying to recreate my grandpa’s bread recipe for the past few months, but it’s been really hard because all he wrote down was “flour etc” and then the approximate kneading and rising times. We recently discovered this recipe from King Arthur Flour which is basically what we were trying to accomplish. So if my descriptions aren’t precise enough for you, definitely google the recipe (when I do this sort of thing I always look at multiple versions).

Now that we’ve gotten all that over with, let’s get started.

The delicious

Chicken: Chicken was always really daunting for me, because I was never sure if it was done and it made me nervous. A couple things made this better. First, I got a talking meat thermometer. After a lot of searching and asking and getting nowhere, I just bought a cheap one on Amazon and it has been great. Next, I realized that it’s important to invest in good chicken, otherwise I won’t eat it. My typical approach to chicken is to plop a breast in a small Pyrex dish, sprinkle it with spices (usually montreal or everglade seasoning), and roast it until it’s done, but I have tried some other things. My favorites have included a curry powder and lime juice seasoning, a lemon pepper marinade, and a recipe I got from a friend called African spicy chicken, which involves marinating the chicken in tomato paste, lemon juice, and a ton of spices (I couldn’t find the actual recipe online, but it’s from Cooking for Applause if you want to try to hunt it down. My friend tells me it’s also an excellent way to prepare mushrooms, but I haven’t tried that yet). I also enjoy smothering the chicken in olives and lemon wedges. My chicken cooking skills are still a bit of a work in progress. I am still not very good at cooking chicken on the stove, but since I’ve been having such good success with the oven, I’m not too worried.

Fish: My parents make the best fish. Scallops in Chardonnay butter sauce with caramelized shallots. Halibut over couscous in a fennel, olive, and citrus broth. My mouth’s watering. Is your mouth watering? So learning to cook fish has been a challenge, if only because I have such high standards. I’ve learned to make the chardonnay butter sauce and cooked flounder with that. I’ve also made cod topped with tomatoes, onions, and olives which is really good. I haven’t done too much experimenting with fish, because I typically order my groceries, but I like to pick out my fish myself, and it’s a bit of a trek to the nearest Whole Foods. But one of my requirements for where I’m moving after law school is that I’m close to a market with good fish, so hopefully I’ll get more practice at this.

Almond lemon rosemary tofu: I found this recipe here, gave it a try while I was working at NIST, and have made it a couple more times since. It is really tasty. I’ve tried a few other tofu recipes since then, but I haven’t liked them as much, and I only occasionally eat tofu anyway.

Crispy chick peas: I actually first made this recipe during 2L year and fell in love with it. The chick peas come out so light and crispy, and they’re an excellent snack. But the recipe I was using never yielded chick peas that stayed crispy, and I wanted to be able to store these and not eat them all in one sitting, despite how tasty they are. Then I discovered this version from Sam over at It Doesn’t Taste Like Chicken. You dry roast the chick peas first, then toss them with olive oil, salt, and other spices of your choice (I like to do a dash of cayenne). Then you pop them back in the oven and keep an eye on them. They can burn fast so definitely take them out to stir a couple times. When they’re done, turn off the oven, crack the door, and leave the chick peas in there for another five minutes. This really helps them stay crispy, and you can store them in the fridge in an airtight container.

Crisp galore: My dad and I make apple crisp together at Thanksgiving almost every year now. We do sliced apples with a topping of oats, brown sugar, flour, butter, cinnamon, and nutmeg. I think the original recipe comes from Betty Crocker, and it’s great. For the apple filling, we never cnclude the flour, sugar, and cinnamon, and just do the straight apples with lemon juice to prevent oxidation with the topping on top. Sometimes we add walnuts or pecans or other nuts to the top of the crisp. I substituted apples for peaches once, and last summer, I tried a mixture of raspberries and pineapple instead of the apples. Last thanksgiving, we did apples, pears, and some extra cranberry sauce. All were delicious.

Braided pesto bread: At first I thought that there was no way I would actually be able to make this, but it wasn’t all that hard. I would recommend making the pesto ahead of time, if you’re making your own pesto, instead of doing it all the same evening like I did. There’s definitely time to make the pesto while the bread is rising, but it means one more bowl to wash. I make my own vegan pesto (basil, toasted pine nuts, garlic, olive oil, salt, a splash of red wine vinegar, and a blender), but you can certainly use your own recipe or use a jar of store bought pesto. This bread was really delicious, and like I said, not too hard to make. The recipe is here.

Two weeks of soups: I got a really bad cold at the start of fall semester, and then again at the start of spring semester. I quickly ran out of canned soup and wound up making a bunch of soup to keep myself going. First, I made this onion and apple soup that I found on the Food Monster app. This was really easy and simple, and kind of the perfect thing for someone with a really sore throat. I added garlic to the recipe because I’m Italian and believe any recipe without garlic in it is sacrelige. Next, I made my mom’s cream of butternut squash soup, which has no cream in it. Basically you cook potatoes, onion, butternut squash, and herbs in broth, and then puree. My mom uses this same recipe for all kinds of soups, just substituting other vegetables (like asparagus or peas or fennel and celerye) for the butternut squash. It wasn’t hard at all, and it is my ultimate comfort food. When I started to feel better but still didn’t want to eat much besides soup, I made a curry red lentil soup with tomatoes, garlic, and ginger, recipe also courtesy of my mother.

I’ve tried a lot of other recipes that I’ve really liked, but before I turn this post into a novel, I’m going to move on to the disgusting recipes.

The Disgusting:

I did have a few recipes that did not turn out the way I wanted them to. They weren’t all completely disgusting, but they were not great by any means.

I tried to make fennel crackers, which I had in Italy and loved. The recipe I used called for butter, and I was doubtful but the comments said it was good and I’m not really a baker, so I thought “what do I know?” So I went with it. The crackers came out like puffy squares of bread. They tasted all right, but they went kerplunk in your stomach. Also this is the point where I tell you that I can’t cut anything in a straight line and so these were not very pretty either. I have since found other recipes which use olive oil instead of butter, and I think that would work better, but I haven’t tried to recreate the crackers yet.

The other recipe that fell into the disgusting camp was a butternut squash galette with roasted apple and caramelized onion. I think this was probably my fault, because I became frustrated with the directions for making the pie crust and did not follow the directions exactly. The crust that came out of the oven was lumpy and really gross. The filling was great, and I ended up scooping that out and eating that for dinner on its own and throwing out the crust.

I also tried a recipe for butternut squash gnocchi with a sage sauce. This wasn’t quite on the level of disgusting, but it was heavier than I wanted, and after all that work—it pretty much took a whole day—it was only okay. I may give it another try at some point with some tweaks, but I’m not sure.

The Disasters:

Worse than disgusting—yes there’s worse—are the recipes that didn’t even make it to completion. Luckily I don’t have too many of these. But the ones I have all have to do with coconut. And it started with a pancake.

Last spring, I bought a Braille cookbook from the National Association of Blind Students, because I read cookbooks for fun and I like Braille. I got a lot of good recipes from this book (including the curry lime chicken and the lemon pepper marinated chicken I talked about up above). But one of the recipes was for a banana coconut pancake. You mixed a ripe banana, some coconut flakes, and some cinnamon, formed it into a pancake, and left it out on the counter to dry. I followed the directions. I swear I followed the directions. As I was mixing and forming into a pancake, I said to myself, “This seems really goopy. I’m not sure it will work.” Unfortunately I was right. The best that could be said about this pancake is it made a delightfully weird suction cup noise as I scraped it off the plate and into the trash the next morning.

This left me with an awful lot of coconut flakes that I didn’t know what to do with, and since I started buying my own food, I am loathe to throw anything away. So I looked up what to do with coconut flakes. And I found a recipe to make homemade coconut milk. I use coconut milk in curries, so I thought “okay, why not? I’ll use coconut milk, and I probably won’t use these coconut flakes for anything else.” This recipe probably would have worked if I had an actual blender instead of an immersion blender. As it was, the coconut ended up splattering halfway up the walls, and the milk I got was still pulpy and watery and pretty gross. It was a fail of epic proportions. To whoever wrote that recipe, you are totally wrong: it is not easier to make coconut milk at home. If I need coconut milk, I will buy it.

I used the last couple cups of coconut flakes to make coconut bread. At first all seemed to be going well. It rose beautifully, it smelled great, and then I took it out of the oven and it had deflated to a weirdly sweet and weirdly salted very thick flatbread. It wasn’t terrible, but it was weird, and I wouldn’t make it again. It also wrecked my confidence in my ability to make bread until I came across the recipe for braided pesto bread above and had to try it so I did. Yes, I am perfectly capable of making bread. Just not that bread.

So these are my favorite and not-so-favorite things to cook from what I’ve tried so far. I hope I’ve made you hungry, and if not, I hope I’ve made you laugh. Let me know in the comments if you try any of these recipes and what you thought, or if you have any favorite recipes I have to try. I’m always on the look-out for new ideas.

Buon apetito!

Ableds Are Not Weird

In the last few weeks, this #AbledsAreWeird hashtag has been going around on Twitter. The hashtag was started by Imani Barbarin to express frustration at all the indignities people with disabilities have to deal with on a regular basis, and it’s gotten so big that it’s made the news. I’m probably inviting some kind of Twitter war with this post, but as you can guess from my title, I disagree.

Let me be totally clear. The experiences people are talking about on this hashtag are at best upsetting to the people who have to experience them, and many of them are worse than horrifying. I have experienced a lot of these things myself. I have been prayed over on the subway because I’m blind. I have been physically prevented from entering buildings or going upstairs. Strangers have grabbed me, my cane, or my guide dog and attempted to pull me where they think I want to go. People have taken my things and asked me personal questions, and I’ve probably been discriminated against while job hunting. And I’m talking about people in the U.S. here. So when I say I disagree with what’s happening on the #AbledsAreWeird hashtag, I’m not saying that because I’m unsympathetic. What people are talking about on this hashtag really happens. It happens on a daily basis, and it’s awful, and it hurts, and we should talk about it.

But I don’t think this is the way to talk about it.

My problem with the hashtag is pretty simple. As far as I’ve seen, and admittedly there’s a lot to scroll through so I may be missing something, the hashtag has turned into a space where people with disabilities are shouting about things people without disabilities have done to them, and then calling people without disabilities weird. Barbarin says she hopes the hashtag will make able-bodied people feel accountable for their actions, but I honestly don’t understand how. This does nothing to solve the problem. It doesn’t even really tell able-bodied people what the problem is. It just accuses them of something that they probably think of as being helpful or honest curiosity. And by accusing them in this form, I feel like it’s just pushing them away.

Ableds aren’t weird. They just don’t know that what they’re doing is insensitive or offensive. Instead of pushing them away with accusations without explanations, we should be reaching out to them with positive messages of what they can do to be helpful and what kind of questions it is appropriate to ask.

But, Jameyanne, why should it be on us to educate people about what we need all the time?

I get it. It’s frustrating to constantly have to educate the public. I’m pretty patient about it, but I definitely have days when someone tells me I can’t bring my dog into their restaurant, and I feel like exploding. But exploding doesn’t help.

When I feel like exploding, I think of a story my younger brother told me. He was with some friends when he saw a woman who was blind walking back and forth along the block across the street, obviously trying to find a specific doorway. He crossed the street, approached the woman, and offered assistance. He grew up with me, so he knows how to do this appropriately. He didn’t grab her. He just asked if he could help her find what she was looking for and offered to give her directions or sighted guide to her destination. (Sighted guide is when a blind person holds a sighted companion’s elbow and walks a half-step behind them, using their movements as a guide rather than a cane or guide dog.) My brother was polite, he used the right terminology, and the woman still exploded at him. And he came away feeling like he would never offer to help another blind person, because he didn’t want to have his head torn off for it. And I’ve heard similar stories from all sorts of other people.

So when I feel like exploding, I think of the damage I would do by exploding, and I don’t. At least not at that person. I maybe explode when I get home and I’m in private or talking to close friends.

The #AbledsAreWeird hashtag is kind of like everybody exploding at once. At best, it’s confusing for the ableds of the world. Saying “random person grabbed me and tried to drag me across the street today” doesn’t mean anything to someone who thinks that’s a helpful response to seeing a blind person on the corner. They don’t know that what they did is the opposite of helpful. They don’t even really think about what they’re doing, because if they thought about it, they’d probably realize that it is never appropriate to grab another human being and drag them across the street. So complaining about what happened on twitter doesn’t solve the problem. If anything, it makes it worse because it pushes the ableds away. And we don’t want to do that. For one thing, think how it would be to find yourself in a situation where, for whatever reason, you really need help, and you can’t find it because people are unwilling to help for fear of doing something wrong. For another, it just makes people with disabilities seem more other to able-bodied people.

It’s probably true that the hashtag has allowed people with disabilities to feel less alone over these experiences. This is certainly a valuable thing, but there are countless facebook groups, email lists, etc for disabled people to get together and gripe about an inaccessible and insensitive world. But Twitter is a public place. The people being griped at can see the griping. In my opinion, if you’re going to have a public conversation about this problem, it shouldn’t start with calling the people on one side of the argument weird. Granted, with only 280 characters to make your point, Twitter isn’t always the best forum for a productive conversation, but words matter, and personally, I think #AbledsAreWeird was a poor choice to label this hashtag.

When someone without a disability does or says something that I find inappropriate or offensive, I stop them and I educate them. When a random stranger on the street corner says “It’s time to cross,” grabs my arm (or my dog’s harness), and attempts to drag me forward, I pull free, step back, and say, “Please don’t grab me or any other blind person without permission. I appreciate that you’re trying to be helpful, but it pulls me off balance, distracts me and my dog, and endangers my safety. Also, I don’t want to go that way.”

Is this easy? No.

Can it be frustrating? Yes.

But is it necessary? Absolutely.

We have to educate people. No one else will do it for us, because they can’t. They don’t know what we need as individuals, stereotypes abound, and unfortunately most people have never interacted with someone with a disability (check out this horrifying study from Perkins School for the Blind if you don’t believe me). We, people with disabilities, know best what we need. We need to be the ones to tell people what we need and don’t need, and we need to do it in a positive way, or we will get nowhere.

Yes, it’s high time that we started publicly talking about the many microaggressions and macroaggressions we face every day as people with disabilities. But there needs to be a next step. If we’re going to say “this is not okay,” we need to say what is okay. In my opinion, this needs to be a conversation, not a one-sided shouting match.

So to start that conversation, here is your periodic reminder that you can ask me questions about what it’s like to be blind and how I do things when I can’t see. I will happily answer. I will answer based on my own experiences, so bear in mind that I am not every blind person, but I will answer. The only reason I won’t is if it’s a totally inappropriate and personal question, in which case I will tell you so. But I will not laugh at you. I will not shout at you. I will not call you weird.

So fire away.

2019 Check In the First

We’re just about a quarter of the way through 2019. Feel free to stop reading at this point for some existential screaming if you need to. I’m right there with you. How is it almost April? I’m still accidentally writing 2018!

However it happened, it is in fact almost April. I set some pretty ambitious goals for myself for 2019, so I thought now might be a good time to check in on my progress and course correct if I need to. So let’s go.

  1. Don’t freak out:

I have a lot of things going on this year. Last semester of law school, graduation, studying for the bar, taking the bar, moving somewhere, starting a new job, actually becoming an adult. My goal is to not panic as all this happens. I’m doing okay with that, all things considered. I’m not 100% calm by any means. Lately I’ve been having some days where I am very much a ball of stress, but I’m getting everything done that I need to get done, and I’m moving forward.

1a. Get a job:

This still hasn’t happened yet, but I have some good leads I’m working on. So here, too, continuing to move forward is good progress.

  1. Get in shape:

This has not happened. A wonky schedule during J-term, then a variety of illnesses in February meant I’ve just this month started going to the gym, and that’s been interrupted by spring break and traveling for job interviews. But I am going to the gym as often as I can. As long as I keep doing that, I’m making progress.

  1. Read 100 books:

I’ve read 25 books so far this year. If I read 8 books a month, I’ll hit 100 for the year easily, so even though I haven’t read as many books in March as I did in January and February, I’m right on target for this goal.

  1. Finish the next draft for three projects: the middle grade sci fi novel, the memory-wiping academy novel, and the WWII Italy novel.

I am nearly done with a first draft of the middle grade sci fi novel. I will almost certainly have finished a draft before I graduate. The rest of this goal is going to have to change slightly, because guys I got an agent! And we’re going to be working on revisions to my middle grade fantasy project. I don’t know how long that will take and how many drafts that will require, so I want to allow myself some leeway here. I still want to finish three drafts this year, but what they are can be flexible. And with that flexibility, I’m well on my way to meeting that goal.

4a. Get an agent:

Yes! I did this! And I am still screaming about it!

4B. Set achievable weekly writing goals:

In January, some friends and I did a mini NaNoWriMo, because November is the worst month for writing a lot if you’re a student. I set a goal of writing one chapter a week. If I finished the chapter early in the week, I had a stretch goal of writing an additional chapter, and if I did that, I got to reward myself in some way. I only ended up meeting the stretch goal once. My reward was renting The Hate U Give movie when it came out, and wow! While I only made the stretch goal once, I did write almost five chapters that month (the flu stopped me from finishing the bifth chapter), and this is a big reason I’m so close to finishing the middle grade sci fi project.

My various sicknesses in February, as well as the start of the semester and my renewed job hunting efforts, meant I didn’t get as much done in February. I had a hard time maintaining the weekly goal system without the structure of the group. But I have been moving forward. I liked the weekly goal strategy, but I also think that I have so much going on right now—finishing the semester, applying for jobs, applying for the bar, studying for the bar, revising my book with my agent—that if I try to add specific weekly writing goals on top of all that the sheer amount of things might paralyze me into not writing again. So my goal right now is to write as much as I can. When things settle down, I can be more ambitious on a weekly basis. See? Achievable writing goals.

  1. Blog more:

Okay, so, so far this hasn’t happened. We can all agree on that. But as you’ve probably noticed, I’m working on redesigning my website, and I have plans to most more regularly. I’ve already finished and scheduled a number of posts for April. So while I haven’t made much progress on this front so far, I’m turning that around now.

So that’s where I’m at. It’s a quarter of the way through 2019, and I’m making good progress. Better progress than I expected in some areas, actually. I’d like to focus on getting in shape, doing more with this blog, and of course continuing with the not panicking, the reading, and the writing in the same way I have been. And I’ll check in on these goals again in three months.

In the meantime, happy April!

How I plan to Conquer 2019 and Beyond

Another year is drawing to a close. I’m not gonna lie, 2018 has been kind of a mixed bag. Law school is still really hard, the news is soul-crushing, I still don’t know what I’m doing after law school, I didn’t write as much as I wanted, I didn’t get back in shape. I can go on and on about the ways I feel like I failed in 2018. But if I actually look back at 2018, that’s really just me beating up on myself.

This year, I finished my second year of law school, and I’m halfway through my third year. I spent a month working at MIT’s Office of the General Counsel last January. I learned French and studied artificial intelligence. I worked for two months at National Institute of Standards and Technology in Maryland, then came back to Cambridge and worked for five months at Analytical Space while studying for my fall classes, taking and passing the multistate professional responsibility exam, and starting my job search for after I graduate. At the same time, I faced the worst writer’s block I’ve ever dealt with, and I beat it. I finally finished edits on my middle grade fantasy novel, and I started querying agents with it. My story “The Year of Salted Skies,” which was third runner-up for the Dell Award back in 2017, was published, and I got some more good writing news I’m hoping to be able to share with you after the new year. I also put in a lot of effort to actually learn to cook something besides pasta (there’s a blog post coming about that I swear). And as of today I’ve read 174 books since January 1. I stress read.

Fine, there are some things I didn’t do that I wanted to do. I didn’t write as much as I wanted. I didn’t get in shape. This blog as basically become a  place for me to rant once a month about what I’m reading. But that’s why there’s 2019.

And I have big plans for 2019, people..

  1. I’m going to be finishing law school, graduating, studying for the bar, taking the bar, moving somewhere, and starting a new job. A lot of things need to happen for all of this to work the way it’s supposed to. So my first goal of 2019 is to do my best to not freak out. I’m not saying I need to stay 100% calm about it all. But I don’t want to be a walking ball of nerves for the next twelve months either.

1A. I want to get a job. To some extent this is outside my control, of course, but it is in my control to keep going. P.S. If you have space law leads for an entry-level attorney, let me know.

  1. To help with the first goal, I want to get back in shape. I’ve been spending too much time sitting and studying and when things have gotten really rough, surviving on diet Pepsi and goldfish. This will not get me through the next year. Exercise is a huge de-stressor for me, so during the spring semester, I want to build good exercise habits that I’ll be able to carry into studying for the bar over the summer.
  2. I’m setting my reading goal for 100 books in 2019, the same as it was originally in 2018. I contemplated trying for 200, but as I’ve already discussed, I have a lot going on this year. Also, I’m not sure it’s totally a good thing for me to be walking around constantly with my nose in a book, figuratively speaking of course.
  3. For writing, I plan to get to the next complete draft with three major projects: the middle grade sci fi novel, the memory-wiping academy novel, and the WWII Italy novel. My plan is to have a completed first draft of the MG sci fi novel by graduation, then to work on all the edits for the memory wiping academy novel over the summer in my non-bar-prep time (if such a thing exists), and then in the fall to finally do the rewrite for the WWII Italy novella. I’ve also been working on a short story collection set in my Phoenix Song universe, and I would love to finish first drafts of all the short stories this year if I can, but that’s above and beyond.

4A. I would love to get an agent in 2019. Of course, this is also to some extent outside my control, but I will continue to query and enter contests and network and all the other things you’re supposed to do to get an agent.

4B. To get all this done, I’m going to take a friend’s suggestion to set weekly goals for myself that are achievable, along with a weekly stretch goal that I get some reward if I complete. For example: my goal for the first week of January is to finish chapter 8 of my middle grade sci fi book. My stretch goal might be to write chapter 9, or to outline a short story, and if I also meet that stretch goal I get some reward. This system seems like it will work for me, so I’m going to give it a try and see how it goes. There’s also this #100DaysOfWriting challenge on Twitter I might try, but that might have to wait until I’m done with law school and the bar. There’s setting challenging goals for myself, and then there’s insanity.

  1. I want to blog more, and I want to blog about something other than books. Books are great. I love books lots. But there are so many cool things I want to talk about. I’d like to do some more posts from Neutron’s point of view, and I’m about halfway through that post about my cooking adventures I’ve been promising you for forever. I’m going to aim for weekly blog posts again, maybe every Friday. If there’s anything you’d like me to talk about, do let me know.

Spelling all that out, it definitely feels like there’s a lot I want to accomplish in 2019. But I also feel like going in to the new year feeling like I can accomplish all of this is the way to start out. So what are your 2019 goals?

Summer 2018 Part Three and Beyond: Overcoming Writer’s Block

Hey everybody. Welcome to October. We’re back to the time when it takes me a whole month to write a blog post. Sorry.

The first month of the semester has been a bit of a mixed bag. I’m enjoying some of my classes. Some classes less so. There’s so much reading, and I also got pretty sick the first week of school, which threw everything out of whack for a while. I’m having a hard time juggling all my reading, my now part-time internship at Analytical Space, my post-graduate job search, and all the things I want to do for fun. I’m definitely missing the summer, when I went to work full time, came home, and didn’t have homework. And I’m not going to lie, a huge part of my motivation right now is that by this time next year, I won’t have four hundred pages of legal reading a week to do at home. It’s such a glorious prospect.

In the last couple of weeks of the summer, I posted about the two halves of my summer and the two different internships I had. Now, I’m going to talk about a third half of my summer, which is how I finally kicked my writer’s block out the door. This is still an ongoing struggle for me, what with trying to balance writing with everything else I’m doing, but it mostly happened over the summer.

Last spring, I wrote about how I was struggling with writer’s block and balancing law school and writing. I’d never experienced writer’s block like this before, and I was pretty miserable about it. I tried all the standard advice for handling writer’s block—changing things up with the project you’re working on, starting a new project, taking walks to think about where I might be stuck, just sitting my butt in the chair and forcing myself to write one. word. at. a. time. None of it worked. A lot of it actually made me more miserable. All I could think of was that person who said writer’s block isn’t a real thing, just an excuse for being lazy. A plumber can’t say they have plumber’s block, or whatever, so the fact that I really did feel blocked made me feel like I was some kind of failure and would never have any kind of writing career. Which of course made everything worse. And round and round the drain I circled, rapidly on my way to becoming plumber’s block myself.

At the time, I was worried that it wouldn’t get better. I wrote my post from the middle of all these miserable feelings, and while I didn’t see how it could possibly get better, it did. I got through it. And I want to tell you how. If you’re struggling with something like this, know that this might not help you, because everybody’s struggle and process is different. There is no one magical solution, unfortunately. But it might help you, and if this process will help even one person, it’s worth sharing to me. So here’s what I did to overcome my writer’s block, broken down into eight steps that makes me look a lot more put together than I really am.

  1. Figure out why you’re blocked.

There are a few reasons why you might be blocked. You might be stuck on how a particular scene works, or how a character should function in a story. There might be something deep down in the project that isn’t working and your subconscious is screaming at you, but it’s your subconscious so you don’t realize it for a while. You could have just lost interest in the project. These are the sorts of blocks that changing things up, taking long walks or hot showers or whatever, or trying something new will solve.

Then there’s the kind of writer’s block you get when you’re just creatively drained, exhausted, stressed, and generally burnt-out. This is what I think was going on with me.

Figuring out why you’re blocked is key to solving the problem. As I discovered, starting new projects, changing points of view, working through snarly plot points, none of that will help if you’re drained. In fact, they’ll just make you more frustrated.

So do some self-exploration and figure out why you’re blocked. Then set out to solve it.

  1. Talk about being blocked.

I addressed this in my original post on writer’s block, but there’s this feeling in the writing community that everything has to be sunshine and rainbows. Writing is what we were built to do, and simply by writing, we’re living the dream, right? But there are struggles in the writing life, and it’s unhealthy to ignore them. More and more, I’m seeing writers and professionals in the writing industry speaking up on Twitter about what they are struggling with and what is challenging about the industry, and the support that comes out of the woodwork for them is incredible.

I’d say one of the single most helpful things I did to unblock myself was to start talking about it. I’m not saying complain about it publicly. Don’t become a whiny, miserable, bitter person. There is still something to be said about acting professionally and positively on public social media. But it’s okay to admit that you’re having trouble.

When I started talking about struggling with writer’s block, I realized that I was not the only one. That really helped me realize that I was not a failure. Friends and writers  I admire have struggled with this too. Also, it was kind of freeing to talk about it. I was no longer holding how miserable I felt inside myself. And talking about it helped me move from wallowing in my misery to accepting that I was struggling and trying to figure out how to fix it.

  1. Allow yourself to take a break.

Self care is really important, guys. If you’re struggling with writer’s block because you’re exhausted and stressed, it’s okay to take a break. Writing every day won’t get you anywhere if it’s just making you unhappy.

Once I figured out I was struggling to write because I was creatively drained and stressed out, I also realized that forcing myself to write was adding to my stress. At the time, I had a full course load. I was trying to get a second internship for the summer, and I couldn’t find housing for my first internship, and a bunch of other little things. Trying to force myself was just not helping with any of that. So I said to myself, “Self, it’s okay to not write for a while. If the problem is that I’m burnt-out, then the solution is to recharge. And right now this is the only thing I can take off my plate.”

  1. Find what has inspired you in the past and immerse yourself in that.

So I took a break. But that isn’t to say that I just stopped trying to solve the problem. While I wasn’t writing, I was still participating in my biweekly writing skype calls with my friends from Kenyon. I was thinking about my stories and where I wanted to go with them. And I delved back into some books and TV shows that have inspired me to write in the past. For me, that meant rereading The Hunger Games and the Giver series and rewatching Anne with an E on Netflix (sidenote, if you haven’t watched that yet you need to).

We all have those books and movies that have inspired us to write. They might inspire us to work on specific projects or just in general inspire us to write something. So while I wasn’t actively writing, I was immersing myself in what, in the past, had driven me to write. And little by little, I started wanting to write again.

  1. Get rid of any stressors you can.

I sort of talked about this a bit in step 3. At the time when I was most seriously blocked, I had a full course load and all the work that entailed, trying to find a second summer internship, trying to find housing  for my first summer internship in Maryland (no one wanted to rent to me for only two months with a dog). There were other things too, plus the writer’s block. I thought that part of my problem with the writing was that I was so stressed about everything else.  So I set out to get as much off my plate as I could. This is why I took a deliberate break from writing. It was something I could control. I couldn’t just stop doing the other things. Depending on your situation, you may or may not be able to get rid of your stressors. I recommend getting rid of as many as you can. Because when I got my second internship at Analytical Space, when I figured out housing for my internship at NIST, and then when my classes started finally winding down, there was room on my plate for me to act on that growing drive to write that was creeping up on me because of step 4.

  1. Accomplish one thing. I don’t care how small.

So I’d been thinking about writing and reading and watching things that were inspiring me to write. I’d gotten my Analytical Space internship, and I’d found housing for my internship at NIST. And one evening, I set our roomba to vacuum the living room. And eventually I had to study, didn’t want to study in my room and wanted to study downstairs, and the roomba was making a lot of noise. So I told the roomba to stop vacuuming and go back to its home base, and the roomba went off in the wrong direction. I was working on my final paper for my Ethics and Governance of Artificial Intelligence course, and I jokingly said to my roommate, “Oh no! The AI apocalypse is upon us!”

And that night, I sat down and wrote a flash fiction piece about the AI apocalypse starting with a roomba insisting that it hadn’t finished cleaning. It’s short, only a thousand words (about four pages), and it’s meant to be kind of funny but also disturbing. But most importantly, it was something that I had finished. Up to this point, I’d been accumulating a vast pile of unfinished projects, so finishing something, even if it was a small, funny something, was a really big deal.

It was actually the last piece in the puzzle I’d been needing. Take a break, immerse yourself in what inspires you, reduce your stressors, and then, when you’re ready, write. And finish something. Show yourself that it’s possible. Because even if it doesn’t feel like it when you’re spiraling your way to becoming plumber’s block, it is possible.

  1. Get a few more wins under your belt.

At this point, I knew it was important to keep writing. Not a lot. Not enough to burn myself out again, because I was still in the middle of finals. But when I wanted to write, and I did want to write now, I did. And at this point, this was what I needed to do to keep myself writing. It also helped that right around this time, I got the acceptance letter from Andromeda Spaceways for my story “The Year of Salted Skies.” It was really lucky timing here, because it was just one more added confidence boost. And to some extent, because editors’ taste are so subjective, it’s kind of out of your control. But while I stopped writing, I didn’t stop submitting my stuff that was ready to be submitted. And getting “Salted Skies” published, and some other good news I got in June that I can’t tell you yet, really helped motivate me to keep writing.

  1. Look back at what happened and make a plan to do better next time.

By the time June came around, I was using all my free time to write. I finally finished revisions on my middle grade fantasy novel that I’ve been planning for a while. And I’m querying that again now. Over the rest of the summer, I started on the long path of finishing all the projects that I started and then abandoned during my months of writing block. Because I still love a lot of those ideas. I’m not writing all that fast, but I’m still writing.

Once I felt confident in my writing again, I took some time to look back at last school year to figure out what happened. I was really busy last fall because of the clinic I was in. I thought I could still do National Novel Writing Month. But the clinic project was bigger than anyone thought and quickly overwhelmed everything else. I wrote about thirty thousand words on my novel in November, and all things considered that was pretty good. But I’d pinned a lot on writing the whole novel in November, and also I’d never failed to write the full fifty thousand words in November. So here I was, totally swamped by school and work and unable to do what I wanted to do most. That, I think, was how it all started. It just got worse from there. But once I went through the steps I described here, once I figured out what the problem was, took a break and worked to inspire myself, and took baby steps back into writing, I was okay. But I don’t want this to happen again.

Ultimately, this happened because I failed to meet a goal. A crazy, unreasonable goal, but still. So what I’ve decided I need to do is to try to set more reasonable goals for myself. I’m a goal oriented person, so I’m not just going to abandon setting goals for myself altogether. But I’m not going to push myself to write a whole novel in a month while I also have a full course load and a part-time internship. Sometimes, this means I can’t do things I really want to do. For example, I really wanted to submit to PitchWars, which is a competition to get your novel mentored and then to get agents. But I accepted the fact that my third year of law school was going to be crazy, and I’d be better off waiting to submit until next year, after the bar and everything. And there’s nothing to stop me from querying agents the normal way throughout the year. I’m also not sure if I’m going to do NaNoWriMo this year. This seems, even to me, like I’m not doing that much writing, but this is actually freeing me up to write, and I’m writing more because of it.

So there you have it. How I overcame writer’s block and what I’m planning to do next. I hope what helped me helps some of you. And if you’ve struggled with writer’s block for whatever reason, please share what worked for you in the comments.

Summer 2018 Part Two: Space Law and Space Lasers

Last week, I talked about the first half of my summer and my internship at the National Institute of Standards and Technology. Now I’m going to talk about the second half of my summer and my internship at Analytical Space, Inc. First, though, I’m going to back up and tell you about space law.

Since my post a few months ago about why I want to go into space law, a lot of you have asked me what exactly space law is. Lucky for you, I was expecting this response, and I did in fact promise a post about this. So here is my quick and dirty—dare I say nebulous?—explanation of space law. (All space puns are 100% intended.)

When I say space law is nebulous, I mean two things. One, it’s kind of fuzzy. And two, it is still very much in its infancy.

Quick astronomy lesson for you: A nebula is a cloud of dust and gas surrounding a baby star.

A baby star like this little guy! Picture shows Neutron as a puppy sitting in front of a white and blue background. He is all head and paws.

Sorry, there was a picture of me and Neutron Star, and this picture of baby Neutron, in Seeing Eye’s quarterly magazine, and I couldn’t resist sharing it with you.

But seriously, nebulae are nurseries for stars and solar systems. A nebula is a vast cloud of interstellar dust, hydrogen, helium, and other ionized gases. The gas, dust, and other matter in the nebula clump together, gravity starts to do its thing, there’s some spinning action, and eventually the clump becomes dense enough to form stars. The remaining material, through a process called accretion, forms planets and other objects. This is how our own solar system and our own planet were formed. Cool, right?

So space law is nebulous in every sense of the word. It is fuzzy and confusing, and there’s no simple way to define it, but that’s because it is still being formed. Space law has been around since the USSR launched Sputnik in the 1950s, but as far as legal fields go, space law is pretty young.

Okay, you say, but what is it? The oversimplified answer is space law is the legal framework for anything to do with outer space. That legal framework is being built as we speak. I’ve heard that within ten years, space law is going to be the next big thing in the legal world. Which is why I’m trying to get aboard this rocketship now.

The way I understand it, space law is happening in multiple orbits in the U.S. First, there are the international treaties and agreements that govern what nations can do in outer space. Then, there are the federal agencies, like NASA, which are doing things in outer space. There are the federal agencies like NOAA, FAA, FCC, and the Department of State, which are creating regulations for what can be done in outer space. And finally there are all those new commercial space companies (you know, the ones sending cars to Mars). This is obviously not a complete picture, but it’s a basic outline.

There are five international treaties and a slew of memoranda of understanding between countries which make up the international law governing outer space. The gist of these international agreements is that outer space cannot be claimed by any one country, and space is only to be used for peaceful purposes. There are also agreements on rescuing astronauts, liability for damages caused by objects launched into outer space, and of course agreements governing the international space station.

On the domestic level, there are a whole bunch of federal agencies doing work in space. There’s NASA, of course, which runs the U.S. space program. The National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration (NOAA) operates weather satellites. The Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) regulates launch vehicles, and the Federal Communications Commission (FCC) regulates radio frequency spectrum use (I’ll explain that more in a minute). There are more—Department of State, National Telecommunications and Information Administration, the National Geospatial Intelligence Agency, NIST, and more.

Finally, there are all the private space companies, which are doing everything from sending cars to Mars and launching inflatable modules for the International Space Station, to operating weather, GPS, and safety system satellites and conducting experiments on new medicines in microgravity. There is a lot of really cool stuff happening up in space, guys. The private space industry is growing very quickly, and this is one of the big reasons space law is growing so much as a field. The growing private space industry raises a lot of questions that will need to be answered. For example, no one can own bodies in space (like the moon or Mars or asteroids), but what about resources that could be extracted from asteroids by asteroid mining companies? And, on a simpler note, all these new space companies will need lawyers to do regular lawyerly things like drafting contracts and negotiating agreements and litigating disputes and such.

At the end of June, I left NIST and returned to Cambridge. I moved back into my apartment, returned to my habit of buying ice cream in Harvard Square every day (only kidding, I got myself down to once a week), and started my second internship at Analytical Space. Analytical Space is a small startup in Cambridge building an in-space data relay service using satellites about the size of shoe boxes. Basically, everybody has satellites up in space, but it’s really hard for these satellites to get data down to the ground, because as you all know, 70% of the world is water, and as you probably don’t know (because I didn’t) satellites need to connect to a specific ground terminal to get their data down to Earth. So Analytical Space is planning to put a bunch of satellites up in space to act like cell towers and connect other satellites with the ground much faster. And my favorite part, they’re using lasers to do it. I repeat: space lasers.

Right after I got here, our first satellite was deployed from the International Space Station, and we’ve been testing everything and getting ready for tests with customers. I’ve been helping with the regulatory side of that, which mainly means working with the FCC regulations. Which brings me back to the spectrum regulations I mentioned earlier.

Think back to high school science class and the electromagnetic spectrum, radio waves to gamma rays and all that stuff in between, including the rainbow. All communications take place on the electromagnetic spectrum. The FCC regulates how the spectrum is used and makes sure that no one is interfering with anyone else. This is why radio stations broadcast at different frequencies. Basically, the FCC is trying to minimize those awkward spots where you’re hearing two radio stations at once, except they’re not just doing it for radio stations. They’re doing it for satellites too. This is a very simplified version of what’s going on, but it’s the general idea. For the past two months, I’ve been learning how all this works, getting everything ready to get FCC approval for our beta tests, and drafting comments on the FCC’s proposed regulations for small satellites.

Apart from spending the last two months being thoroughly amazed and getting to geek out about cool space things, I’ve really enjoyed getting experience at a startup and seeing how the private space industry works. The people are all a lot of fun too. We had a big party to celebrate our first satellite’s deployment, and the interns had a Dungeons and Dragons night, and it’s been a really great experience on the whole. I’m going to be continuing part time at Analytical Space through the fall semester, or until 3L eats me.

So that’s what I was up to for the second half of my summer. I’m going to go enjoy the last few days before I have to crack the law books again, but I’ll be back next week with my August reading roundup and to talk about how I overcame my writer’s block this summer.

Summer 2018 Part One: Adventures in Standards, Technology, and Maryland

It’s hard to believe it, but summer is drawing to an end. In less than two weeks, I’ll be starting my third and final year of law school (cue simultaneous terrified screaming and joyful dancing). But before I dive back into school, I want to talk about my summer. And what a summer it’s been.

Summer in law school is about four months long. That’s plenty of time to have a fulfilling internship and to take some time off. Or, if you’re like me, it gives you time to do two internships and squeeze in half a vacation where you can. I started working the Monday after finals ended, and I’m still working now. In fact, I’m continuing at this second internship through fall semester, so I’m never really stopping. A few people have commented, and I’ve made these comments myself, that I planned this poorly and should have built more of a break into my summer, but I’m really glad I did it this way. I wanted to get a lot of experience out of this summer, and that’s what I did.

I’m going to talk about my summer in three blog posts. Otherwise it would be one crazy long rather scattered blog post. In this post, I’m going to talk about my first internship at the Office of the Chief Counsel of the National Institute of Standards and Technology. In a few days, or next week, or whenever I get to it, I’m going to talk about my second internship at Analytical Space. I’m also going to talk about what exactly space law is in that post, because I know I’ve been promising that since I wrote this post a few months ago. Finally, in the third post,  I’m going to talk about how I overcame my writer’s block and my strategies for continuing to write once school starts again. That’s the plan, at least. So let’s get started.

Right after finals, I took a road trip down to Gaithersburg, Maryland to start my first internship at the National Institute of Standards and Technology, NIST. I had never heard of NIST before this year, and I was a little nervous about the whole thing. I’d had a hard time finding housing, too. All in all, I wasn’t looking forward to two months in what I saw as middle-of-nowhere Maryland, and thanks to my experiences in Italy, I hate commuting by bus. But it turned out to be a really great experience.

It was everything I could have wanted from an internship, and more.

First of all, I got to do some really cool legal work. There was the standard legal research and  memo writing, but it was on topics I found really interesting, like Europe’s new General Data Protection Regulation and how it impacted the federal government, or how different aspects of government function, like appropriations from congress and delegation of certain powers to federal agencies. I also got to do some things I’ve never done before. I wrote two pieces of draft statutory language to amend NIST’s authorization bill (the law that gives NIST power to do things), and those were presented to Congress for revising. What happens to them next is anyone’s guess. I also got to draft a response appealing the denial of a patent. Finally, I got to do some things that all the NIST lawyers get to do—reviewing policy directives and notices of opportunities for federal funding (basically notices for federal grants), and it was really interesting to see how that process worked. I did a lot of interesting legal work. I was challenged, and I learned a lot of new things. And if I wasn’t sure about my choice to go into space law, I was absolutely positively sure after working at NIST.

It wasn’t just all the cool legal stuff that made my experience great. I really liked the people I was working with, and there was a great office environment. People were busy, but it never felt stressful, and people were always laughing. Neutron made a lot of new friends, of course. He liked to camp out under my desk, but whenever someone was walking past in the hall, he stuck his head out the door and was like “Hey, hey, you forgot to pet me!” We also got to meet attorneys from other NIST offices, and we even got to have lunch with an attorney from NOAA, which is one of the jobs I’m applying for after law school (cross your fingers for me). I also got to take a tour of the Capitol with other legal interns from the Department of Commerce.

Yes, I was still in the middle-of-nowhere Maryland, and yes the bus system did leave something to be desired (I could get to work in the morning and from work in the afternoon, but that was all, and don’t get me started on the times when the system that announced the stops was broken), but I made it work. The other attorneys gave me rides if it was pouring rain so I didn’t have to get all wet getting to work. I was living with three housemates, so I wasn’t on my own on the weekends. There was a nice mile loop around my neighborhood where I could walk with Neutron in the evenings. I got a lot of writing done, and I mean a lot (more on that in part three of my summer).

And I finally sucked it up and got a Lyft account so I could venture out if I wanted to. This was actually a pretty big deal for me. I haven’t talked about it on here, but I’ve been pretty nervous about ridesharing services, because I’ve heard so many horror stories about what happens to people with guide dogs when they try to use them. Best case scenario, it seemed to me, the driver would simply drive away when they saw you: Worst case scenario, they’d get out of the car to yell at you that you can’t come with them and end up hitting you, or they’d take you in their car, but stop under a bridge somewhere, mug you, and leave you stranded god knows where. My philosophy on travel is that I want to get places on my own two feet, or using public transportation, even if it takes me longer. But in Gaithersburg, if I wanted to go anywhere on the weekends that wasn’t this mile loop around my neighborhood (and you can only go in circles so many times before you get dizzy), I needed to take a Lyft. And so I did. I met some friends from Kenyon at the Gaithersburg Book Festival, and I went to Silver Springs a couple times to have lunch with them and for a board game night. The worst that happened was a really awkward conversation in which a driver asked me a bunch of questions about being blind because she didn’t know anyone who “has the same problem as you.” But compared to being mugged or stranded, this was just fine. (Note, taking a Lyft has not been so easy in Boston.)

I realize that I haven’t actually told you what NIST is or what it does. This was sort of deliberate, because I didn’t realize the full extent of NIST’s work until my second to last day, when I got to go on a tour. Since I was splitting my summer between two internships, I started and ended my work at NIST earlier than most other legal interns at the federal government, so I missed the tour for the legal interns from the department of Commerce. But I got to join a tour for a group of middle and high school science teachers who had won grants. It was a ton of fun.

NIST is a federal agency, part of the Department of Commerce. It’s basically a giant government lab. The science kind, not the wagging kind. There are scientists from all over the world inventing things (hence the patent project I worked on), or working inn new and better ways to standardize everything from peanut butter to plumbing components. One of my housemates was doing something with neutrons (the subatomic particle, not my doggy), and another roommate was working on how to 3D print metal. So lots of cool stuff.

I think the thing NIST is most famous for is the standard peanut butter.  I don’t mean that this is the peanut butter from which all peanut butters are born. I mean that NIST makes a jar of peanut butter, and using their super special scientific measuring tools, the NIST scientists figure out how much fat, how many carbohydrates, and how much other stuff is in the peanut butter. Then, they sell the standard peanut butter to companies who make peanut butter, and the peanut butter companies can use their super special scientific measurement tools to look at the NIST peanut butter. If they get the same results as NIST, they know their measurements are right, and they can measure their own peanut butter and put all the correct info on the labels. If they get different results, they know they have to recalibrate their super special scientific measurement machines. NIST doesn’t just do this for peanut butter. You name it, NIST standardizes it.  there was even standard air and standard water, used to test machines that measure pollution.

On the tour, we got a presentation from a scientist working in a lab where they did temperature and thermometer standards. It was a fascinating presentation, and I’m sorry to say that I don’t remember many of the finer points because it was about two months ago and I didn’t take notes. But the really cool thing was that all around this lab, there were these tubes containing different elements at their triple-point. They were keeping these tubes at precise temperatures and pressure, so that in each tube, at the same time, the element was in its solid, liquid, and gaseous state. They passed around the triple-point cells for water and tin. Jameyanne holding a triple-point cell for water, a glass cylinder containing solid ice, liquid water, and gaseous water vapor.The picture on the right is me holding the triple-point cell for water. It’s a glass tube, with ice at the bottom, water in the middle, and gas at the top. This was definitely one of those times when I was mourning the fact that I didn’t become a scientist, because soooo cooool!!!! But there’s plenty of time to become a scientist later if I want to, once I’ve paid off the law school student loans.

I spent eight weeks at NIST. I was so busy and I did so much that the time just flew by. It felt like one minute I was learning my way around the campus, and the next I was saying goodbye. This was hands-down the best legal internship I’ve had so far, and now I can’t wait to finish law school and start practicing science and space law.

What Disability Rights Mean to Me

I’ve talked to a lot of people about this already, but for those who don’t know, I’ve decided to pursue a career in space law after law school. When I tell people this, I get two different reactions.

 

Either: That sounds so cool! … What is it?

 

Or: What happened to disability rights? You’d be so good at that.

 

Let’s set aside the first reaction for now. I’ll come back to what space law is in a future post—I promise. Today, I want to talk about that second reaction. What happened to disability rights? And the follow-up comments that I’d be so good at that and it’s really important.

 

In true Jameyanne’s blog fashion, let’s back up. Believe it or not, I started thinking about law school about three-and-a-half years ago. I’d been in Italy for about a month, and I was already pretty sure that I didn’t want to be a teacher. I was invited to a dinner at the local chapter of the Lions Club, because this chapter was involved in fundraising for a guide dog school in Milan, and they’d heard about the blind girl walking around Assisi with her guide dog and wanted to see her in real life. So I went to this dinner, and when I successfully  cut up my own chicken, everyone at the table applauded. I kid you not. They applauded.

 

I got back to my apartment at about two in the morning, exhausted and frustrated to the point of tears. It had been a long, difficult month, filled with countless incidents just like this. The people who screamed at me on the bus for having the nerve to leave my apartment by myself. The clerks who tried to stop me entering their stores. The head of the school for the blind who wouldn’t let me volunteer to help teach the students skills for independent daily living—like pouring liquid or getting toothpaste on the toothbrush without making a mess—because, and I quote, “they can’t do that.”

 

So here I am, at two in the morning, tired, homesick, definitely in culture shock, confused because I’m six months out of college and I don’t know what I’m doing with my life, and furious because I just want to cut up my chicken without people clapping. And I think to myself, you know, self, you could make a difference here, if you really want to. You could go to law school and become a disability rights lawyer and make a difference here, or back in America, or anywhere. You might wonder why law school was the first thing I came up with for a way to make a difference, but actually I’d been told by my parents and our family friend/my special education advocate, Eleanor, that I would make a great lawyer. And I’d actually been fighting against this idea for years. But here I was, seriously contemplating it.

 

Granted, I was seriously contemplating it at what was now 2:30 AM, so I took that contemplation with a large pinch of salt. But I couldn’t shake the idea, and the more I thought about it, the more I wanted to do it. So I spent the next year volunteering at the New Hampshire Disability Rights Center, which I loved, while I studied for the LSAT, took the LSAT, applied to law schools, got accepted to law schools, and decided where I wanted to go. And then I started law school.

 

Law school,  if you don’t know this already, is literally the worst. I have never worked so hard and felt so stupid. I’ve heard this from a lot of friends in grad school for other fields, so it may not be exclusively a law school thing. It took me less than two weeks to start questioning all my life choices and berating myself for letting my crazy 2:30 AM ideas get me into this mess. But I stuck with it, because everyone said there was a steep learning curve, and I’d only been doing this for two weeks. This was nothing like what I’d been doing at the DRC, but of course I had no legal training when I was there. What if the lawyers were spending all their time doing what I was doing in law school now? Could I do this for the rest of my life? So at some point, I asked my resident advisor if this was what it was like to be a lawyer. He said no, not really. Being a real lawyer was more like what we were doing in my legal research and writing course—applying cases and statutes to new problems—than what we were doing in my black letter law classes—reading a lot and analyzing a zillion cases that all said a zillion different things. This advice helped a lot, because I was enjoying my legal research and writing class better than anything else so far.

 

But I couldn’t shake the feeling that I wasn’t doing the right thing here. I just wasn’t totally happy with the idea of doing disability rights anymore. There were a lot of reasons for this.

 

First, I knew I didn’t want to litigate or work with individual clients. I was more interested in broader policy issues. I wanted to go into the federal government and make a bigger difference. But then the 2016 election happened. I don’t want to get political, but civil rights and the federal government became much less certain after that. Our teachers advised us not to give up on federal government work if that interested us, because the federal government was going to need good lawyers now more than ever. But the idea that, if you worked for the federal government, what you were defending or choosing not to defend, what policy you had to promote, could change so radically overnight, shook me. It seems obvious in retrospect, but it wasn’t obvious to me until I saw it happen. And I didn’t know what to do with it. If I didn’t want to work defending individual clients, and if I didn’t want to litigate, and if I wasn’t sure about working at the federal government, where did that leave me?

 

I spent most of second semester feeling like I had no clue what I was doing. I toyed with the idea of going into literary law and being some kind of literary agent/lawyer thing. And while that seemed like it would nicely tie everything I’d done up to this point together, I just couldn’t get really excited about it. When I got my internship at the U.S. Department of Education, Office for Civil Rights in Boston, I thought education law might be what I’m interested in. I was interested in education—why I’d decided to teach in Italy rather than research—and I’m passionate about all children getting an equal education. See any of my rants about Braille literacy and you’ll get the point. And the way the attorney who interviewed me described the Department of Ed, it seemed like a really good fit with my interests. But within the first few weeks at that internship, I knew that this, too wasn’t right. I wasn’t sure if education law was right for me or not—unfortunately I wasn’t doing much legal work because the office was so unclear about what it was supposed to be doing after the election—but I knew that in general this kind of federal enforcement office wasn’t for me. Basically, the Office for Civil Rights of the Department of Ed makes sure that any school receiving federal funds is following the federal antidiscrimination laws. So, if there’s alleged discrimination based on race, gender, sexuality, or disability, OCR does a review to make sure the school is complying with the federal laws. But, to give one example they used during orientation, if you have a really small rural school that’s receiving very little federal money, the school can just decide they don’t want the federal money and then they don’t have to comply with the federal laws. When I asked, “But where does that leave the student?” the attorney basically replied that, as sucky as it is, the Office for Civil Rights doesn’t have power to do anything about it if the school isn’t taking federal funds. And this really bothered me. I know I know, I’m a walking contradiction. I don’t want to litigate for individual clients, but when I’m working for the agency that’s making sure the law is upheld in a broader context, I’m upset by the idea that a hypothetical student could be discriminated against and there’s nothing we could do about it. And again, this left me… Where?

 

So that’s my first reason for being uncertain about doing disability rights. I just wasn’t  sure I wanted to do it. I wasn’t sure I’d be happy doing it.

 

My second reason is tied pretty closely to my first reason, and that’s that it just seemed like it would be exhausting, particularly in today’s political climate. It felt like everywhere I turned, I was hearing about activist burnout. And let’s be honest, I face disability discrimination pretty often myself, almost on a daily basis, even here in America. If someone on the subway isn’t insisting he’ll pray for god to fix me, someone else is shouting “Oh my god, she’s blind!” If I’m not being stopped from entering a restaurant and asked to prove that Neutron is a service dog—illegal, by the way—then someone is seizing my arm and attempting to drag me and Neutron across a street when I didn’t want to go that way thanks very much. I’ve had cashiers in the law school cafeteria question whether Neutron is a service dog, for crying out loud. I’ve had people refuse to let me get on elevators with them because they’re afraid of my dog. And then there are all those pesky new airline policies about service dogs (there’s another post about emotional support dogs coming, let me tell you). And this might be a standard week for me. I try to be polite about it all, but I’m only human, and it’s frustrating. I swear the next time someone asks if Neutron is a guide dog is going to get the response, “Yes, I’m blind. I can take out my fake eye to prove it if you insist.” The idea of working forty hours a week on this sort of thing, and then having to live it myself is pretty unappealing. Reason number three really didn’t help with this either.

 

Reason number three is that from the moment I started law school, anyone who met me, whether at the law school or not, assumed I was going to do disability rights. Conversations invariably went like this: “Oh, you’re going to law school? And you’re blind? So you’re going to do disability rights, right?” And this drove me nuts. Just so you know, I absolutely hate it when people assume things about me just because I’m blind. For example, in sixth grade a friend told me I couldn’t learn to make those gimp lanyard things everyone was making because it was more of a “sighted person thing.” I would stop at nothing to learn how to do it. That’s the kind of person I am. When someone assumes I can’t do something or I will do something or anything like that, I immediately want to prove them wrong and I do the opposite. So yes, I went to law school wanting to do disability rights. But between discovering that I wasn’t really sure about that (reasons one and two), and the constant assumptions that I’m blind so of course that’s what I’m going to do, I was really unhappy with the idea of doing disability rights.

 

I know what you’re thinking, because I thought it myself for a while. I shouldn’t make decisions because of what some people say. I shouldn’t let people’s assumptions derail my career. But like I said, I had plenty of other reasons why I didn’t want to do it. Above all, I didn’t think I would be happy doing disability rights, which is ultimately what made my decision. Yes, part of the reason I wouldn’t be happy is that I couldn’t stand the way people were always trying to pigeonhole me into disability rights because I was blind. But the problem remains, I wouldn’t be happy.

 

If you’re still not convinced, let me relate some of the conversations I’ve had with family and friends. Some people try to comfort themselves and/or convince me to reconsider by asking what kind of pro bono work I can do for disability rights om the side. Some people insist I’m making the  wrong decision, because I would be really good at disability rights, and when I try to explain to them that I’m not happy for all of the reasons I’ve just explained to you, they counter by saying they’re just looking out for what’s best for me. There are layers of problems with that statement that I’m not going to dissect for you. But I think the fact that I felt I had to write a whole blog post justifying my decision and that I’m really nervous about how people will take it says a lot.

 

Which brings me to the last reason I decided not to go into disability rights: I found something I really want to do. Not many people know this about me, but I am a huge astronomy nerd. Like huge. So when my property teacher mentioned space law, I started looking into it, and I was totally fascinated. I even applied for an internship at NASA for my first law school summer—I didn’t get it, but that didn’t dampen my interest in space law. So at the end of my summer internship with the Department of Ed, when other interns and I were sitting on the floor of the file room, talking about what we would do if we could do anything in the world, and I said “I would be a space lawyer and work at NASA,” and another intern said, “Jameyanne, you go to Harvard Law, if you want to do that, you can,” I realized she was right. It’s a really niche field, and I don’t have much of a science background, but I decided to go for it. And I have been a lot happier since. My parents have said that I just light up when I talk about space law in a way they haven’t seen in a while, and friends have told me it’s just great to see me make this decision and go for it. And fun fact, two days after I made this decision, I met my Neutron Star, which pretty much made it official.

 

This year, I’m splitting my summer and interning at the National Institute of Standards and Technology, a federal government laboratory in Maryland, and Analytical Space, a private space company in Boston that’s building a network of satellites that use lasers to communicate. I’ve been at NIST for three weeks, and I’m having a blast. And who knows? Maybe one day I’ll go back to school and get that science degree I wish I had.

 

All this isn’t to say that disability rights aren’t important. It isn’t to say that I don’t care about them—of course I care about them—I need them. And it’s not to say that I won’t keep fighting for them in any way that I can. It just isn’t the right career for me.

 

The way I see it, there are two ways to fight for disability rights. One is to be a disability rights attorney. this is really important. We need good disability rights attorneys who care about the issues. But to me, disability rights means more than standing up in court to fight for someone’s right to read Braille, or use a service dog, or have financial independence or the right to vote or the right to not be abused and neglected. Disability rights means standing up and living the life I want to live, pursuing the career I want to pursue, regardless of my disability. It means showing people that I can do whatever I set my mind to, even if I’m blind. There is a lot of value in seeing someone with a disability doing something totally unrelated to their disability. And really, this is the point of disability rights: to let people do whatever they want to, with their disabilities, just like everybody else. As a disabilities rights lawyer, I felt like I would always be defined by my disability, and true or not, I don’t want that. As a space lawyer, well, not even the sky is the limit.