How I Conquered the World in 2016 and Other Stories

I’m still having trouble believing it, but 2016 is drawing to a close, which means it’s time for my annual round-up of the year. And what a year it has been.


Twelve months ago, I was working at the New Hampshire Disabilities Rights Center. I’d only been home from Italy for a few months, and Mopsy and I were still working through our nerves about other drivers while walking around town. I’d just submitted my final law school appplication—and I’d already been admitted to several fine schools. Now, I have just completed my first grueling semester at Harvard Law School, and when we aren’t studying, which isn’t that often, Mopsy and I are cruising around Boston like pros.


The only goal I set for myself this year was to not be afraid. I think I was mostly successful, though it was hard to keep that in perspective when I first realized I was going to have to do a lot more cooking than I originally anticipated, or when I was exhausted from studying for seven days straight and terrified I was going to fail my civil procedure exam, or when I woke up from my recurring hospital nightmare this morning feeling like I couldn’t breathe. Or when the election happened.


But with my signature optimism, when I look back at all the things I did this year—so many of them brand new—I have to give myself credit.


Everything I did at the DRC was totally new to me, from attending hearings to investigating voter accessibility. After I finished my internship, I went on a road trip to visit all the law schools I was still considering. When we were in New York visiting Columbia and NYU, my mom and I also went on two tours of Alexander Hamilton’s New York—one of the financial district and one of Washington Heights, Hamilton Heights, and Morningside Heights. They were fascinating. Then my Italian host parents, Stefania and Bruno, came to America for three weeks, and we visited Washington D.C., Pennsylvania, New York City, Boston, and of course New Hampshire with them. my older brother got married. I went to the National Convention of the National Federation of the Blind for the first time, where I tried ballroom dancing, swing, and 1Touch self-defense. Then I spent the summer learning my way around Harvard, Cambridge, and Boston.


And then I started at Harvard Law School, where every single thing I’ve done has been new. I’d never read a legal opinion before. Now I feel like I read nothing but legal opinions. I learned how to do legal research and how to write in legalese. I learned how to think in a completely new way that I’m still not used to and I can’t describe. For the first time, I took final exams with no indication of my grasp of the material—an experience I’d never like to have again but unfortunately I will have to repeat five more times. And right now I’m in the middle of my first ever job search, complete with cover letters. So many cover letters.


But I haven’t done only law stuff. I joined a book club with some of my amazing sectionmates. So far, we’ve read Kindred by Octavia Butler and Cinder by Marissa Meyer (the last one was my recommendation if you hadn’t guessed). Right now we’re reading The Dinner by Herman Koch (well, I haven’t started it yet). I also tried out for the law school a cappella group—I didn’t get in, but it was fun to try—and I also applied to write for the law school parody—didn’t make that either but it was both the first script and the first parody I’ve ever written.


I’ve also started becoming politically engaged this year. I’m not going to go into the election too much here, because it really isn’t what I want this blog to be about, but I have written about my feelings on the election,and of course you’ve seen my posts on Braille literacy and the Foundation Fighting Blindness’s #HowEyeSeeIt campaign. I was chosen as a section representative for HLS’s law and government program, and I’ve applied to volunteer for a 2017 gubernatorial campaign.


All along, I’ve kept writing. At the beginning of this year, I started queryingagents about my novel. I paused when law school hit, but I’m going to send out a new batch of queries in January.


My story “Dissonance” was published in Abyss and Apex in April. If you haven’t read it yet, you can read it right here. And over the summer, I wrote and revised three more stories in the Phoenix Song universe—what i’m calling the world where “Dissonance” is set. I also wrote a poem set in the same world, my first poem since tenth grade. With a lot of luck, you might see those some day ever.


Once law school started, while I did write less, I did keep writing. I made sure to find time to write at least a couple times a week, not only because I love it, but also because I’ve found if I don’t write, I become first cranky, then miserable, then practically nauseous. When I feel like I’m drowning in law, my stories keep me sane. I finally got back to revising my memory-wiping academy novel, and I succeeded at my summer writing goal of getting the number of projects I’m working on down to two. And in the last couple months, I’ve been trying new things with my writing too. I wrote my first ever 250-word flash fiction story. I usually have the problem that every short story I write turns into a novel, so I was convinced I wasn’t going to be able to do it, and I was pretty darn shocked when I actually did. And right now I’m almost finished with the first draft of my first ever science fiction story. This story was actually inspired by whatever happened with my left eye back in January when my vision went all dark and shimmery for a day. Funnily enough, that was the same incident that inspired my first blog post of the year, about my decision to be brave.


Finally, I added some new sections to the blog this year too. Now, in addition to links to my published short stories, you can also read the stories behind the stories to find out what I was thinking when I wrote the stories and why I made the choices I did, as well as other fun facts and even some of my own illustrations. I’ve also been having a ton of fun writing the posts from Mopsy’s point of view, and I hope you’ve had fun reading them, because there’s more to come.


And after I don’t know how many New Years resolutions, I finally learned to use Twitter. The secret was  linking my Twitter and Facebook accounts so I only had to worry about one. I also entered a couple Twitter pitch slams for my novel, which not only got me in touch with some agents but also got me into the habit of checking Twitter and tweeting—twelve hours of tweeting and constantly refreshing does that sometimes.


I didn’t really conquer the world in 2016. In fact, especially in the last few months, between the pressures of law school, the election results, and the feeling that I just wasn’t writing as much as I wanted to or moving forward with my writing career as fast as I thought I would, I’ve often felt like the world was doing a good job of trampling me into the dust. But looking back on all I’ve done and all the new things I’ve tried, I’d say all and all, 2016 was a reasonable success. Now that I have a handle on how law school works, I feel like I can balance things a little better second semester. We’ll see how well that actually goes, but after a few more good nights of sleep, I’m ready to hit the ground running in the new year.


So bring it on, 2017.


What I Learned at the Disabilities Rights Center

Last October, after I took the LSAT, I started volunteering at the New Hampshire Disabilities Rights Center. I wrote about this a bit before Christmas, but now I’ve worked there for six months, and yesterday was my last day. I’m about to embark on the epic road trip of visiting law schools, and after that, my landlady and landlord from Italy are coming to visit, but I was very sad to be leaving.


I’ve had plenty of experiences where I’ve learned so much in a short time—not just in terms of knowledge but also in terms of myself—and these six months were no exception. I learned a ton, so much, it’s difficult to quantify.


I performed research—of the legal sort as well as your garden variety google searches. I learned how to find and read federal and state laws. I learned all sorts of new words, like “pursuant” and “furtherance.” And I researched and wrote a brochure on service animals and the Air Carrier Access Act as well as an article on the rights of students with traumatic brain injuries.


After Christmas, I worked with the Help America Vote Act team. We worked on publicizing the new accessible voting machines. We also wrote a pamphlet on creating an accessible campaign—through events, website design, and mailings—and contacted all the campaigns, planned monitoring visits of polling places all over the state to get feedback on the new machines and to check on basic accessibility requirements, and coordinated with the national organization RespectAbility to get people with disabilities to campaign events and to get disabilities rights issues on the table. I even got to do all investigation—by which I mean call a bunch of town clerks, ask them about absentee ballots that weren’t counted because of mismatched signatures, and hope they were honest with me. It was all super fun.


I also got to observe several stages of a case concerning denied eligibility of services, from its preparation and filed motions to the pre-hearing conference and the hearing itself. I worked on several stages of a different case myself, drafting Right to Know letters—the New Hampshire state equivalent of a FOIA request—and then I read, organized, and cataloged all the evidence we received from those requests—the discovery part of the case.


I did research for our policy director that he used in meetings with the state legislature. I reviewed specific facility policies and compared them to state laws regarding seclusion and restraint practices, and then I drafted a letter highlighting the areas where the facility was out-of-compliance. Finally, I learned about the immensely complicated and scary process of legislative history. (It became much less scary once I found my way to the state library where a lovely librarian found everything for me.) Basically, I went back into the history of a 1947 state law and read the original bills and the notes in the House and Senate journals for the original law and then several relevant amendments, all of this in order to determine the law’s intent. Legislative history is something, I’m told, that most law students don’t do until their second or third year.


So yeah, I did a ton, and I learned, and I’ll probably be starting law school in the fall with a bit of a head start. But my experience at the DRC gave me more than that. I had so much fun going to work every day, because every day I was working on something different and learning something new. I loved having lunch with all the attorneys and hearing about what they were working on and how they planned to approach it. And I will be forever grateful for all the support and advice they gave me as I went through the application process for law school, received all my acceptances, and began working my way towards a decision (a decision I still haven’t made yet, hence the epic road trip of visiting law schools I’ll be starting next week).


But it’s even more than that. I’ve said it before, and I’m sure I’ll say it again many more times, but a year ago, I was absolutely miserable—the rejections for the MFA programs I’d applied to were piling up, I’d decided I didn’t want to get a masters in comparative literature after all, I was not really enjoying teaching, and on the whole I didn’t know what I wanted to do with my life. Somehow, I clawed my way out of that mess of disappointment and uncertainty, and I took all the experiences I’d had and decided I wanted to go to law school. I put all my energy into studying for the LSAT and applying for law school. But at the same time, in just the last few months, everything I thought I wanted to do with my life had been turned on its ear, and right then I wasn’t sure I could trust that my decision to go to law school was really right for me. What if I hated it? What if I discovered something else I liked more? What if I was just unhappy right here and right now but I was still giving up on all my dreams? But after just a week at the DRC, I was confident, and that confidence has only grown over the last six months. Now, I am absolutely sure I am on a path to a career that matters to me and that I will enjoy every minute of. Now, I just have to pick a law school.

I Read Too

I talk a lot about Braille literacy. Many of you have probably heard this before—multiple times—and I’m sorry for repeating myself, but I’m going to anyway. Actually, I’m not sorry at all, because it just keeps coming up. This is the area of disability rights that I am most passionate about (at least right now), and for obvious reasons: I love to read. Books have always been my best friends.


So like any bookworm, I measure time by when books I want to read are coming out. In the last two weeks, two books I’m excited about have been released: The Girl Who Raced Fairyland All the Way Home by Catherynne Valente and Lady Midnight by Cassandra Clare. Just today, I found out about another book I want to read that was released today—Seven Ways We Lie by Riley Redgate (a current Kenyon student). Later this month, the third Colours of Madeleine book—A Tangle of Gold by Jaclyn Moriarty—will be coming out. But I don’t know when I’m going to be able to actually read these books. Not because I’m super busy (I always make time for books), but because they aren’t available in Braille yet. They will be, I’m sure, but I have no idea when.


This has been an issue my whole life. I had every single Harry Potter book spoiled for me except the last one, because the publishers gave an advance copy to the National Braille Press so they could translate it into Braille and ship the books to arrive on the release day. And that was a big deal. It shouldn’t be a big deal anymore. Technology has advanced so much since 2007, what with the proliferation of eBooks and Braille displays alike. It should just be the press of a few buttons to take a digital file of a book and translate it into electronic Braille. So why isn’t it happening like that?


The answer is that it’s probably a matter of some complicated subsidiary right that hardly anyone thinks about because the blind population is so small and the Braille reading population is even smaller. Which brings me to Braille literacy. Now, I enjoy a good audiobook as much as the next person, but I prefer to read in Braille. And the idea that the Braille-reading population is so small they don’t warrant the same attention as the general populace only perpetuates the problem.


The idea behind disability rights is inclusion in society at large, but because we can’t read a book at the same time as our peers, we are excluded. At best, we end up playing catch-up to our friends who have already read and discussed the book. But more often than not, especially with the internet and the way it tends to go crazy when long-anticipated books are suddenly available, major plot points of the book are spoiled for us, which could ruin our enjoyment of the book.


Yes, I’m blind, but I read too. And the problem of Braille literacy extends beyond fiction to education and employment issues as well.


Here’s the deal: only 10% of the blind read Braille—it’s true. It’s also true that hardcopy Braille is expensive and huge, and Braille displays and notetakers are expensive too (though considerably less huge). But none of this means Braille should be abandoned. Braille is the only viable way for blind people to read. A literacy rate of 10% is not evidence that Braille is impractical; it is evidence that 90% of the blind population is illiterate. Studies have shown that blind children who just use audio in school instead of learning to read do not develop the critical reading and thinking skills necessary for success in school and society. Denying blind children their right to be taught because it is inconvenient or expensive—as so many are—is a violation of their civil and human rights. All children who can see learn to read. It should be the same for children who are blind.


To give one analogy, the literacy rate of the blind in America is less than the total literacy rate in some of the least educated countries of the world, and it would be unacceptable to say the people of Afghanistan or Mali or Niger or South Sudan are illiterate because it is too expensive or inconvenient to teach them.


I love to read, but I am passionate about Braille literacy for reasons beyond my desire to be able to have a book in my hands the day it comes out (like everybody else, I might add). My parents had to fight for my right to learn Braille in elementary school, but many parents don’t have the knowledge or means to do that. When the school district insists that students who are blind don’t need Braille, how can they argue? But there is no substitute for reading when it comes to fostering independence.


Braille literacy is an issue all over the world. Programs like Perkins International send teachers and equipment to developing countries to teach Braille, believing that reading is fundamental to education, and education is fundamental to success. Yet Braille literacy is still a huge problem, even in the United States. Almost 70% of the adult blind population is unemployed, and this can be traced back to inappropriate or absent services in school, including lack of training in Braille.


On my first day at the New Hampshire Disability Rights Center, one of the attorneys told me about a decision involving a child who was not being taught Braille. The judge gave the decision to the school district in Braille and told them to read it without accommodations. This is the kind of thinking and action that makes a difference. It’s also just plain awesome! But there still needs to be a shift in the overall discussion towards how Braille can be extended to those who need it so the blind can have the same advantages as the sighted and reach their full potential as contributing members of society.


Voting for Independence

Spend time in any foreign country, and you come back with a profound appreciation for America. Personally, after a year in Italy, I will never look at wireless internet or consistent hot water or dryers the same way. I have a friend in Japan right now, and from what I’ve heard, he really misses central heating. One thing I did not expect, when I went to Europe, was how much I would learn to appreciate voting. I am still thoroughly confused by how the Italian political system works, but based on conversations with my students and friends, Italians don’t vote for the specific candidates. They vote for the party, and there are a lot of parties. I taught a few lessons on American elections, and my students were always amazed and envious of the power Americans have in government. But one thing I was always sure to tell my students is that not everyone has the same power. I, as a person with a disability, have never been able to exercise my right to vote independently and privately before.


Almost from the moment our country was founded, America has expanded and then expanded again the electorate, creating laws that gave one disenfranchised group after another the right to vote: first the poor, then African Americans and other racial minorities and women. In 2002, Congress passed the Help America Vote Act, which guarantees the right to vote accessibly, privately, and independently to all people with disabilities. In 2009, I turned eighteen and registered to vote, and I have never been able to vote like everybody else. Twice, using an absentee ballot at school, I had to rely on friends to fill in my ballot for me. I trusted them, but at the same time, I couldn’t see who they were really voting for. The absentee ballots were far from accessible, far from independent, and far from private. When I signed the envelope afterwords, and I had to choose the reason why I was using an absentee ballot, I accidentally signed over the part that said “Because I am blind and require assistance.” The one time I voted in person, during the 2012 New Hampshire primary, when I arrived at my polling place and asked how I could vote independently, I was greeted with blank stares. I had to have assistance in the voting booth, and when I left, and the people conducting the exit polls asked who I’d voted for, I responded “I honestly don’t know.” (Because I’m that person.) Just two weeks ago, I learned that there was an accessible voting system available at the time, something called a phone/fax system. I’ve heard a lot of horror stories about it, but I never got to try it. I didn’t even know it existed.


But this year is going to be different. At the Disability Rights Center, I’ve been working with the voting accessibility team for the last several weeks on ways to make this election as accessible as possible and ways to promote that accessibility to the public. New Hampshire has just rolled out a new, accessible voting machine. It uses a tablet, a set of headphones, a keyboard, and a printer. An automated voice will read the choices to me, and when I hear the candidate I want to vote for, I press enter, and it prints out my ballot. It’s all been very exciting. It’s the first project I’ve worked on at the DRC that I’m seeing to fruition.


This morning, I went to the New Hampshire Association for the Blind and tried out one of the machines before the primary, and it definitely has some issues that need to be worked out. First of all, I have never heard a speech synthesizer so awful. I understand the state is working with free, open-source software, but when the speech is not lined up in each ear of the headpiece (so it sounds like it’s echoing itself) and when candidates names are pronounced so badly I’m not sure who they are, we have a problem. I’ve worked with all sorts of speech synthesizers all my life, and some mispronunciation is to be expected. I accept that. No computer can pronounce my name correctly if I don’t add it to the pronunciation dictionary, after all, so it only seems fair. But some of these mispronunciations made no sense. How we get “Burn Sanders” from Bernie Sanders and “Carl Fiorine” from Carly Fiorina (to give just two examples) is beyond me.


Another issue is that it is possible to vote for two candidates by accident, especially if you’re rushing. And after listening to almost 30 terribly mispronounced names, who wouldn’t want to rush? (Get this voice out of my head! Seriously, it’s like nails on a chalkboard! Make it stop!) But if you do accidentally pick two candidates, and you also happen to be blind, how are you going to know once your ballot gets printed? You’re not, and your vote won’t be counted. Which brings me to the ballots themselves, which are printed on regular printer paper rather than the cardboard used for everyone else’s ballots. Ballots from the accessible machine are easily distinguishable from other ballots, and they have to be counted by hand rather than the automatic ballot counter. If one voter uses the accessible voting machine, the election moderator is also supposed to use the accessible voting machine when they vote to create privacy for the person who used the machine, so it’s not too bad, but it’s still different. Finally, this machine is designed to be accessible to all people with disabilities. It includes a way of voting with voice rather than with the keyboard or touch screen, but due to some technical issues with the microphone being too sensitive, that isn’t working yet.


There’s a lot to work on with these machines, obviously, but I want to stress how great this really is. No, it’s not perfect, but it’s a huge stride forward for New Hampshire voters with disabilities. For me, if everything goes according to plan, tomorrow will be the first time I am able to vote as if I were sighted. And there’s a lot of potential for this technology, once all the bugs are worked out.


A few weeks ago, a friend linked me to a cartoon (and then described it to me because there was no alt text). In the cartoon, a group of kids are waiting in front of a school while a man shovels snow off the stairs up to the entrance. Among the waiting students is a girl in a wheelchair. She asks the man if he will shovel the ramp. The man says he will, as soon as he finishes with the stairs so the other students can go inside. He tells the girl in the wheelchair to be patient, but the girl says, “You know, if you shovel the ramp, then we can all go inside.”


This struck me as so simple and so poignant, yet at the same time so obvious that most people would overlook it as a solution. People with disabilities don’t want “separate but equal.” We want inclusion. This is the eventuality I hope for for this new voting machine. There shouldn’t be two systems—one for the able-bodied and one for the disabled. There should be one system that will work for everyone. That is obviously the intent behind this new technology: the system is called “one4all,” after all, and anyone can vote using the tablet.


So I’ll take the glitches, with the promise that things will be improved. Of course, if things aren’t improved, I will get cranky. But tomorrow, I’m going to vote!


Now I just need to figure out who to vote for.